grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
