That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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