hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
