I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
