YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
