he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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