So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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