you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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