I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
