It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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