The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
