On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
