This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
