OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
