ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
