You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
