when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
