Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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