so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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