So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
