Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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