Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
