I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
pop tarts are not kleenex
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
