I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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