Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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