This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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