No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
