google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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