i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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