I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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