I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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