I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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