my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
