New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
