i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need moral support for this bender
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
