Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
