So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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