I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Enjoy the penises
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
