Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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