So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
