Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
