i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
