your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
