She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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