Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
