Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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