One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
