Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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