Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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