I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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