I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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