I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
