i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
