took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just puked most of my soul out..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
