I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
