There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize