u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
