if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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