Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
