I am spending my child support on dildos
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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