Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
