Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
