This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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