Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You made out with two different species that night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
