I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
