I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
