she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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